THE INEXORABLE PULL OF CULTURAL EXPECTATIONS ON LATINAS

        As a kid, I didn’t pay much attention to what adults did or what the environment around them was like. Now that I’m older, I do. It took me spending time with family in Mexico during winter break to see how unequal the household chores are for women versus men. This may not be true for all Mexican households but is for my grandma’s home.

        Even when my female relatives agreed it was unfair, nothing changed.

        My grandma is 92 now and has a fractured wrist. During our stay, she expressed to my godmother and me how frustrated she gets with my grandpa because he doesn’t know how to do any of the basic chores. Because of her wrist, she told us she asked if he could wash the dishes.

        He gladly accepted but she said all he did was put water in them and put them in the rack. She was very upset he couldn’t do it properly. That got me thinking as to how my grandpa at 87 years old was unable to wash a dish. Where in his childhood had they failed to teach him the simplest chore?

        As my trip progressed I saw where the problem was. Never for a moment was there a, “Hey let’s all do these chores as a whole or let’s cook as a group.” The men had fun doing whatever they pleased, meanwhile the women would stay back, clean the whole house and cook. Every day the cycle never changed. There wasn’t a moment where a man was like, “What do I help you with?”

        I don't want to bare the responsibility of others who are just as capable. I brought this up one day when I was with my female relatives.  I asked them how they felt about the roles they played. They all had a problem with it, obviously. They talked for hours about it, but when the men came home, they continued as if nothing happened.

        I didn’t think it was fair that just because I am a girl I was asked to help clean, but my cousin who is the same age and male wasn’t asked. Helping them wasn’t the problem, it was the unfair treatment.

        That’s why from that day forward, I told the women in my family,  “The day you treat them like you treat me, ask them to do the things you ask me, that’ll be the day I continue to help you.” Nothing changed, except that I stopped helping them. I cleaned up after myself and no one else. Being a woman in a traditional Mexican family, this was unacceptable so I was constantly reminded of how lazy I was and how unhelpful I was being, even though I just did what the boys did.

        When I returned from my trip I was curious to know if there were girls in other Mexican households who felt the same way.

        Marlen Muñoz, a senior at Richmond High said, “It’s extremely frustrating. Sometimes at family gatherings despite how hungry I am, I have to wait until the men are done. I remember once I even wanted to cry I was so frustrated. I still failed to understand why they were always put first.”

        She said she’s tried to make a change, “But every time I speak up and tell them how unfair it is, I’m quickly shut down.”

        Throughout  these conversations it seemed that one common idea was shared among us all: That our mothers had raised us to think that we had to know how to cook and clean, not really saying why but at the end saying for the day we get married.

        One of the girls, Dianna Millan said, “My mom has always told me I should learn how to cook and clean so when I live on my own but then she tells me to do all that for my future husband. Despite her always telling me to live for myself and never worry about a man.”

        This tradition is so deeply rooted in the culture that our mothers say it without thinking.

        Ideally, chores should be shared by everyone. This was instilled into my brain by watching how my mother ran our household here in Richmond. Maybe, it’s because there are three women and one man in my household but every Sunday, my mom gives us one task each. We get work done as a unit and finish it faster. Granted there are times when she lets my father slide with doing nothing but for the most part, we all put in the effort in.

        Going forward, I hope we can fix this so our children grow up to be well-rounded individuals. It starts with us, acknowledging this is a problem. Continue to advocate for yourself. Be the change you wish to see in the world.